the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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