babies were throwing up all over the place
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
