i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
