I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
