the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i think my cat just said my name.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
