How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
