saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
