He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
