$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
