His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
