Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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