I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
