I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
