corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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