he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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