And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
