i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
is it fun? or sober?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
