So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
