you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
