whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
