I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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