I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
