Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
