You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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