You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
