I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
