I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
