dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
