My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
