I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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