allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
