yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
