Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
