i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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