I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
