You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
