At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
