What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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