i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
