I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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