What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
