this beer tastes like vomit already
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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