ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
