Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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