You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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