my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
