What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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