Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My vagina is officially offended.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
