some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
