All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
